Quiet Desperation
Summary: When a girl goes missing, the case threatens to complicate matters between Grissom and Sara.
A/N: Thanks to Marlou for the beta.
Rating: PG-13.
Disclaimer: Yes, I really do own CSI. To maintain my evil reputation, I will not allow the characters to get involved. Bwhahahaha!

Chapter 13

After thanking Archie, Sara left the A/V lab and headed towards the break room. She kept her eyes focused on the open folder in her hands, trying to keep her mind on the puzzle before her. Normally, work was a sanctuary from personal turmoil, but Grissom left her totally confused. Unable and unwilling to think about what had happened, she read over her notes again, desperately looking for a clue to Rachel’s disappearance.

She fought down her emotions, and to the casual observer, she appeared totally lost in work.

But Catherine wasn’t watching her casually. She noted the tension in Sara’s posture, the tightness in her expression. Her concentration on the folder was too forced to be natural. Something – or someone – had her on edge, and Catherine’s eyebrow rose knowingly.

Despite Grissom’s protestations to the contrary, she didn’t put it past Sara to screw him over after the promotion fiasco. She obviously wanted it, or she wouldn’t have applied. He’d personally invited her to Vegas; she probably thought that gave her an edge. Of course she’d be upset when she didn’t get the recommendation. Catherine knew how she’d feel if it had been her in that situation.

“Hey,” Sara said distractedly as she passed in the hallway.

“I’m working the case now. Grissom’s…off,” Catherine replied with a calculated casualness as she walked beside her.

“Yeah, I know.”

“Why doesn’t that surprise me?”

Sara glanced up, her brow wrinkling in confusion at her colleague’s tone. It sounded accusatory, and the look directed her way confirmed that. She didn’t know what to make of it, and was too confounded by earlier events to realize what was going on.

“He told me when I swung by his place…”

“You went to his home?” Catherine hissed, dragging her into an office. Sara started to protest, but the sight of Ecklie there – at that time of night – surprised her. “Just what kind of game are you playing? It’s bad enough you got Gil suspended, but are you trying to get him fired?”

Sara’s head swung between the two of them as she tried to make sense of the words. How was it her fault? And why did both of them seem to believe it?

“Cath, I have no idea what you’re talking about. Grissom said he was suspended for insubordination.”

“Because he’s under investigation for sexual harassment – of you.”

“What?” Her question was barely audible, but the shock and disbelief were clear. That quickly faded to dangerous anger. “What the hell are you talking about?”

“You really don’t know,” Ecklie noted, flinching when she turned to him. He held his hands out in a peace offering. “Do you know Monique Myers?”

“Just by name.”

“She opened an investigation into the department’s handling of the Mathers’s case. She questioned Grissom about the recommendation for the lead CSI, heavily implying that there was a sexual undertone involved. And that influenced his decision to pull you from this case.”

“Explain that,” Sara insisted, her breath coming in short, angry pants.

“She mentioned your better education, commendations, questioned if the two of you had a past…”

“Who the hell gave her access to my personnel records? Those are private.” Sara’s mind raced at the implications, but she ignored the last comment about a prior relationship.

“Yeah, that’s what threw us,” Catherine said, giving a half-hearted shrug as an apology. It was clear Sara didn’t know about any of this. She never was a good liar.

She ignored the gesture and started to storm out of the room. “I’ll settle this…”

“No!” both of the others yelled, causing her to pause briefly.

“We think Myers had an earlier encounter with Grissom and/or Burdick, and that she’s using this to get back at them,” Ecklie explained. “I’m checking that out myself. This is a very delicate situation. Nothing permanent is on his record yet. I don’t have to explain to you what it will mean if it does get there.”

“No,” Sara whispered, closing her eyes to fight back the moisture. She knew exactly what would happen to Grissom and his reputation. She also knew what that meant to him. His career really was over if that happened. No wonder he was so lost earlier.

Why hadn’t he told her the truth? He had to know she would find out. One thought came to mind, and it made her blood run cold – he feared she’d believe the charge. But he still made his move, even fearing her rejection.

And she had rejected him, but for different reasons. It was too abrupt. After years of ignoring their attraction, he suddenly wanted to get involved. His job was too important for him to risk a relationship, but that was now in jeopardy. Of course she felt he was settling on her. But his expression after she said that – there was no disguising that pain.

The whole point of her visit was to make sure she hadn’t hurt him earlier, but she ended up wounding him even more. She never intended that; she’d never hurt him on purpose. Even the accidental pain cut at her deeply.

“Hey, are you okay?” Catherine asked with obvious concern.

Sara let out a grunt. “No.”

“Can you work tonight?” After she nodded, Ecklie continued. “Good. I’ll deal with Myers. The rest of you handle this case. The sooner it’s solved, the better it’ll be for everyone. The Kenyons only filed their initial complaint to get more attention. If we find the girl, maybe they’ll drop it all. Are we sure she didn’t run away again?”

“I’ve checked her records. She hasn’t used her cell or credit cards, or taken any money from her bank account.”

“Her car was found wrecked and soaked in blood,” Catherine said. “It’s possible someone stole it and used it for a joyride, but I don’t think so.”

“No, it doesn’t sound like it,” he agreed. “Look, don’t worry about Grissom. Worst case scenario – he’s charged. If you testify that it’s bogus, it’ll get thrown out of court.”

“He’s not going to be charged. I won’t let them,” Sara vowed.

“Don’t cause any trouble,” he said firmly.

“I am not going to let them destroy Grissom. Not through me.”

Ecklie rubbed his temple as she stalked out of the office. Letting out a sigh, he turned to Catherine. “Just what is their relationship?”

“Hell if I know,” she exclaimed on her way to follow her.

Sara sat silently at the table, clearly coming to terms with what happened. She didn’t ask any more questions, but poured them both a cup of coffee. In a few moments, Greg and Warrick joined them in the break room, and Catherine asked for updates.

“Shouldn’t we wait for Grissom?” Greg asked. Both men noticed the flash of anger in Sara’s eyes, but she didn’t say a thing.

“He’s suspended,” Catherine said, holding up her hand to keep them quiet. “He blew up at Burdick earlier today. I don’t know when he’ll be back. Greg, what’s up with the evidence from Mathers’s car?”

“There was a lot of contamination from the oil and stuff in the shop. Hodges hasn’t found anything useful. The blood samples are in DNA.”

“Still?”

“Hey, it’s not the best stuff to get DNA from to begin with, and this had been sitting in a hot car for days. Even I couldn’t do it faster.”

“Okay, Mr. Modest. Warrick, what did you find out?”

“Wilcox was shot three times in the skull from close range. Doc pulled some bullet fragments out. Bobby’s going over it now. The killer dumped the body in the desert. And he’s not dumb. He used something to brush away his footprints. I lifted a few things from the body. Trace has them now.”

“Nick went to Wilcox’s house to process it, but someone torched it,” Catherine said. “He’s still there, but he said not to expect much.”

“Well, I rounded up his garbage earlier,” Greg said. “Lots of it, including bloody clothing. I already sent samples to DNA. There were lots of notebooks, too.”

“Notebooks? This guy never hear of computers?” Warrick mused.

“According to his record, he deleted files on his computer relating to his embezzlement. He didn’t know that didn’t destroy the files, and it was used against him during his trial,” Sara pointed out.

“Which explains why he wrote all this stuff down. One listed all of the Kenyon’s personal assets. Another listed all the company’s equipment, what it was worth, stuff like that,” Greg said. “Maybe he was planning another embezzlement, and Rachel found out about it.”

“She’d have told her parents,” Sara said, shaking her head. “He was figuring out what their net worth was. How much they’d be able to pay in a ransom. He knew the Kenyons would pay anything to get her back.”

“But something went wrong,” Catherine said.

“Rachel was supposed to go to one of the construction sites that night, but she never showed up. The library can’t verify that she was there, but I found fibers in a crack on the desk. One set is consistent with what she was wearing that day. The other is a heavyweight blue cotton.”

“Which is what I found in his trash covered with blood,” Greg said. “I’ll get a comparison done on them.”

“Rachel’s study cubicle is in a pretty isolated corner of the library, and there’s a service entrance nearby,” Sara added. “Wilcox went to school there. He might know about it.”

Catherine nodded slowly. “He planned to get her that night on the way to the construction site. She never showed up. He knew she had finals coming up, and that she spent a lot of time at the library. He goes there. Maybe he tells her that something is wrong, maybe with her foster parents. Offers to drive her there, but she wants to call. He forces her outside, fibers from their clothing gets trapped on the desk.”

“No one heard that in the library?” Greg asked skeptically.

“Could’ve had a gun. Told her to keep quiet,” Warrick said.

“Okay, but then what? He didn’t walk to the library, and her car’s totaled.”

“And someone killed him. I’m guessing it was his partner. He didn’t want to share, or he blamed Wilcox for screwing it up.”

“Or it was Daddy Dearest,” Brass said as he walked into the room. “You couldn’t wait for me to show up? How’s this for curious? I talked to the Kenyons today about Wilcox. The missus says she wished they never hired him. Hubby promises to take care of it, and the guy shows up dead that afternoon.”

“Oops,” Catherine replied with a cat-like grin.

“But they have an alibi, and it seems tight. If he’s responsible, he didn’t kill Wilcox himself.”

“Rachel’s still missing. They wouldn’t kill the one person who knows what happened to her. That doesn’t make any sense,” Sara said.

“Since when are people sensible? Or Rachel’s dead.”

“Did you guys have any luck with the leads from the hotline?” she asked Warrick. Brass’s comment disturbed her. Logically, the odds of finding Rachel still alive dropped every day, but she held out hope.

“Not really. Most of them were bogus, and the ones that did see Rachel saw her earlier in the day, on campus, stuff like that.”

“Anything else?” Catherine asked, looking around the table.

“Yeah. Sara, that weird writing you asked me to look for. I think this counts,” Greg said, passing photocopies around the table. “There were a bunch of papers with stuff like that on them.”

“What the hell is that?” Catherine demanded. The page held nine blocks of letters. All of the blocks had twelve letters, except the last, which only had seven. It was gibberish; they didn’t form any words.

“I found some of these earlier at the construction site,” Sara answered, showing her a copy of the alphabetic grid. “If it’s what I think it is, it’s a way of encoding messages.”

“This guy really had a thing against computers,” Warrick sighed. “It’s easy to encrypt things that way. Why go to this trouble?”

Greg shrugged. “Tracks. If he e-mailed a copy to his partner, it’d leave a trail, even if you can’t read the message. And I think a jury might be suspicious if he refused to tell them what it meant.”

“Or he wanted to make sure no one could decipher it,” Sara went on. “I talked to Archie. A lot of the encryption software out there use key escrows. If the software’s used in an illegal activity, the FBI can get the key from the company to decode the message.”

“Even if they don’t, there’s no saying how safe the message will be before the statute of limitations wears out. Some of the old codes can be broken by a cheap computer now, and the machines keep getting stronger,” Brass said. He rolled his shoulders at the heads turned his way. “What? Aren’t I allowed to know stuff? One of the old casinos lost a lot of money that way a few years back.”

“Keep your shirt on. Sara, can you decode this?” Catherine asked.

“I can try,” she answered, not bothering to hide her doubt. “If all the information I need is in those notebooks.”

“Try. We need to know who his partner is. Warrick, go help Nicky. Greg, finish going through the trash, and check those fibers Sara found. I’ll be with Doc if anyone needs anything.”

The group broke up, and Sara collected the assorted writings from Greg. Sitting alone in the Layout Room, she methodically sorted through the material, making neat piles around her. The work helped her ignoring her growing internal conflict, and she focused all her mental energy on it. With the new evidence, hope sparked that they’d be able to find the missing college student.

When her stomach began to growl, she sat back slowly and cautiously stretched her muscles. Looking at her watch, she was surprised to find it was almost time for shift to end. She’d worked non-stop all night, but had made little progress.

Sara spent the rest of shift copying notes down and repacking her evidence before heading out. She’d spend more time on the mysterious puzzle after breakfast, but first she had to do something. Driving away from the lab, she didn’t think about her plans, fearing she’d talk herself out of it.

She walked up to the door, knocking firmly before her courage gave out. When Grissom answered, her initial thoughts of a calm conversation faded. He wouldn’t look at her.

“Why the hell didn’t you tell me what happened?” she demanded. “Did you really think I’d believe it was true?”

To her surprise, Grissom only shrugged, but he turned around and went back into his townhouse. Uncertain if that was an invitation to follow, she hesitated for a minute, but then she saw him placing the newspaper-wrapped package in his hands into box.

Half in a daze, she followed him in, noting his almost completely bare walls as he took down another butterfly display and carefully wrap it in paper before adding it to the box.

“You’re packing,” she said hoarsely.

Chapter 14